::prov.a.logue::

Jealousy is a difficult thing to experience. Some get it worse than others, but there is no one that doesn’t get jealous. You may be wondering why such a personal thing like jealousy can fit into the Providence theme of this blog. I can assure you that an emotion /feeling/sin like jealousy can have the potential to consume a person’s life. Example: My life at Prov. I hope you can catch the rhythm of the rhyme, and maybe feel the emotion.

Green

There’s a pent up ball of distress that continues to press firmly and squarely and directly on my chest.

This constriction moves through my head with a pulsing irritation of dread that doesn’t seem to leave, even after I’m dead.

My eyes are open, my nostrils cleared, my fists clasped tight and his death sentence neared. The muscles in my arms are eager to jump and pound and punch and kick that punk out. Every part of my body is filled with jealous rage and I can’t wait to bust out from this obnoxious Christian cage.

Let me express my anger with raw, uncensored violence, and don’t hold me back or you too I will silence.

I’m glad that I’m mad but I still know its bad, so then I get sad, because you are the one who’s upset when I’m bad.

Because it’s for you that this heart of distress is beating and pulsing and does not rest, for you I’ll hold back my unrestricted mess of rage and hate and violence and stress.

Help me turn it to you so my soul can rest and my heart and my mind will continue to press for a hope and a passion to know you the best that this human body can possibly possess.

Poetry:

You know that feeling you get sometimes, ‘cause everybody gets it sometimes that feeling of utter exhaustion. It comes when you have pushed your mind and you body to the maximum and then the steam runs out. You know that feeling when the will, the drive and the passion are all present, but the strength isn’t. Like a 9 year old boy who thinks he’s the strongest man alive. But this isn’t just the body, no no, that’s just too easy, it’s the mind too, the mind continues to race harder and faster then ever, chasing something unknown. The soul is running next to your mind on that unending treadmill chasing what you don’t know, reaching so hard for what is unreachable. There is nowhere to escape from the running of your mind and soul, it doesn’t leave when you sleep, it doesn’t leave when you read, and it doesn’t leave while you’re watch this…You know that feeling?

But hey, you know a better feeling? The one that comes a little after that last one.. you know it when for whatever reason, whatever you are chasing is no longer so important that you get it. When in the morning when you rise, you can feel it in your bones, that feeling of relaxation, and relief, and respite. There’s something about that day when you wonder what exactly you were chasing after for so long and so hard.

The point is it doesn’t matter because, because it doesn’t matter because now you can breathe with ease, you can sing and laugh and love, and delight in the beauty of the trees. This is a wonderful place, at a super slow pace, with a stupid sappy grin on your face. This is nothing less that the best, what doesn’t matter is how your life is messed, because in the face of it all, you have found rest.

The life of a student,

The strife of a leader

The temptation of a human

The passion of a lover

The brokenness of a sinner

The hope of a Christ Follower

The pain of a victim

The triumph of a victor

The shame of a loser

The honor of a champion

The weakness of a twig

The strength of a cross

(with inspiration from the song ‘reset’ by Mute Math)

Heart Pounding

Lights Flashing,
Faces Cheering,
Cursing,

Knees Shaking,
Chest Pounding,

Eyes Blinking,

Will Abounding,

Warm-up
Dance,
Jump,
Strut,
Intimidate,
Look big,
Be big,
Focus,

On your toes,

Roll with it,
Swing with it,
Dodge with it,

Butterflies Float,
But Bees Sting,
Sting,
STING,
Float,
Dance,

Elegance in Muscle,
Pride in Sweat,
Focus in Spirit,
Passion in Victory,
Love in War,

Fight back,
Don’t Stop,
Push Harder,
Dance Faster,
Hit Better,

Sweat,
Cut left,
Cut left,
Cut right,
Cut left,
Take a Hit,
Roll with it,
Swing,
Harder,
Again,
Again,
Again,

Stop.

Decision…

So Lovely

Innocent
Inconspicuous

Is It Love

Attractive
Charming
Appealing
Delightfully
Inviting

Touching
Caressing
Constraining
Choking

You’re Hooked
You glance at the Bitter end

It’s too Late
Point of No return

Slithering
Sliding
Dancing on your tongue
As if it has Control

Is it Lust

Sharp
Unsatisfying
Climax
Dirty
Tainted
Soiled
Stained
Disgusting
Puking
Bloody
Taste
In your mouth

Head Hung
To Shame
To Death

Its entirety Shoves
Down
Dejected
Further
With a Kick in the chest
and the Groin
Leaving you Gasping
For Poisoned Air

Slithering Away
So goes the Shame
And Awareness

Look
Skipping toward me
It seems Lovely

poetry /ˈptri/ Pronunciation K[poh-i-tree]–noun

1. the art of rhythmical composition, written or spoken, for exciting pleasure by beautiful, imaginative, or elevated thoughts.

2. literary work in metrical form; verse

I will consider this my most efficient outlet of emotion. This is where I choose to express myself in words, which won’t always make logical sense. I can still consider this part of the provalogue because Providence shapes and influences me; this is my inner dialogue which is directly influenced by Prov.

Please comment, but not on how bad you think any particular poem may be, but instead to ask questions, provide insight, continue the mandate of the provalogue.